He’ll be home soon, and I have dinner on the stove, and wine chilling in the fridge. What about today, you ask? Today it’s already too late. Tomorrow I will quit lying to myself, and to him. Tomorrow I will stop delaying the inevitable.
Is it not wiser to end it now, Sweets, before it gets to that point? Is it not better to accept that this happiness I have is destined to self-destruct? But if I do what I have to do, what my very nature compels me to do, and move on, the end is no better. Before long, I will be intolerable, and eventually, he’ll leave me. I’m becoming bitter and terribly resentful. It’s happening already, and I cannot stop it. If I stay here with him, I will become restless and angry. There’s no happy ending waiting for me like there was for you and Matt. I’ve been down this road before-you know I have-and there’s only heartache at the end. I need to get away from Phoenix-away from him-before this goes even one step further.Īnd then he touches me again, and my convictions disappear like smoke in the wind. It doesn’t matter where I go, as long as it’s not here. Every night, as I’m falling asleep in his bed, I tell myself that tomorrow I’ll book a flight to Paris, or Hawaii, or maybe New York. But as so often happens with me, my arrogance kept me from seeing the truth of the matter.Įvery day, I tell myself it will be the last. How could a man (or a woman) do something so self-destructive, knowing that they’re hurting not only themselves, but the people they love? It seemed that it would be so incredibly easy for them to just not take that next drink.
'Only if it was a really gay spider,' said Magnus, and he yelled as Alec punched him in the arm. 'So would that give me the proportional gayness of a spider?' 'I’ve read Magnus’s stash of comics,' said Alec, 'so I actually know what you’re talking about' A small smile played around his mouth. 'I hope you told him you were bitten by a gay spider,' said Simon. 'Turned you gay?' She sounded incredulous. Once he asked me what I thought had turned me gay.' 'My mother seems to have accepted it,' Alec said. But, Simon admitted to himself, his own recent estrangement from his mother made him more curious about Alec’s answer than he would have been otherwise.
Aside from the occasional exchange, Simon had never talked to Alec much. 'I thought your parents were okay with you, you know, coming out,' Simon said, leaning around Isabelle to look at Alec, who was - as he often was - scowling, and pushing his floppy dark hair out of his eyes. 'Please never say those words in front of my parents,' said Alec. 'I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual,' added Magnus.